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horatioaloneTeddy was everything I wanted to be. He was tall and athletic, with hair so blond it was almost white and a perfect jawline. In happier days we would go swimming in the river together and I would watch as his taut body pierced the water like a knife, his broad shoulders golden in the sun. When he ran he was like a horse, angular and swift and full of a vitality that forever eluded me. Once I dreamt he was a centaur. He bent his front legs courteously as I climbed on top of him—and then we were off, galloping across miles and miles of green fields, his hooves striking the ground like gunshots, muscles rippling under his sleek coat, breath loud and determined, our sweat mingling as I held onto him as tightly as I could. We passed railroads and church spires, graveyards and fallen trees. Eventually we crossed the border; the air and earth smelled different, we couldn’t read the signposts, the people were strange. We were utterly lost and utterly happy. When I alighted from Teddy in the middle of a windswept beach, I saw blood on his fur where I had been sitting and realized the ride had broken my hymen, and I had marked him with it, and we were bound to each other forever. I awoke from the dream with a throbbing between my legs.
After the new laws were passed and I was expelled from university, I saw less of Teddy. He was busy with exams, and it became harder for us to be seen in public together without attracting trouble. His voice at that time took on a permanently apologetic tone, which irked me; I didn’t care about my unfinished degree, not really, I just wished things could go back to normal between us. I just wanted to watch him swim again. We’d never gone beyond a brief kiss on the lips before; now that it was illegal for us to have sex, I found it was all I could think about. I fantasized day and night about him taking me, filling me completely with himself, molding me into his shape, my body dissolving and reforming against his. I dreamt about masturbating him as if I were a farmer and he my stud.
After the new laws were passed and I was expelled from university, I saw less of Teddy. He was busy with exams, and it became harder for us to be seen in public together without attracting trouble. His voice at that time took on a permanently apologetic tone, which irked me; I didn’t care about my unfinished degree, not really, I just wished things could go back to normal between us. I just wanted to watch him swim again. We’d never gone beyond a brief kiss on the lips before; now that it was illegal for us to have sex, I found it was all I could think about. I fantasized day and night about him taking me, filling me completely with himself, molding me into his shape, my body dissolving and reforming against his. I dreamt about masturbating him as if I were a farmer and he my stud.